Monday, December 21, 2015

It's A Wonderful Life

Tonight my 9 year old nephew was over. He is pretty much an only child and not used to the "madness" as he tells me my house is full of. He experiences this twice a year when he visits. Yes, our house is loud and full of nudity and screaming, but it also is a place where we love each other, no matter how annoying someone is. We love each other when 
Perfectly good crust gets thrown in the toilet.

When we sleep on the floor in the face down fetal position even though we have a bed two feet away.

When mommy doesn't have the willpower to carve pumpkins until December  and doesn't want to let her children down so suggests a Christmas tree to keep it festive.

When goggles are argued mandatory for dinner.

Tonight was no exception to the rule. Hazel spent the evening butt naked because she wanted to sit on her potty that was placed in the middle of the kitchen. I don't potty train my kids. I don't encourage it. I don't have time for it but at home if they want to pretend like they are potty training themselves, then have it. She didn't start off completely nude but with a pair of her brother's underwear on because I haven't gotten her any of her own yet, note to self: buy some princess panties. I walked in to the boys room where the 3 boys were playing and found my nephew covering his eyes asking me to please put some clothes on her because he didn't want to see her private parts. He then proceeded to tell me that Benjamin "pulled out his thing". My sweet Benny sitting next to him on the bunk bed looked at me with the biggest smile and nodded in agreement and very proudly said, "Yep, Penis." So we had another talk about flashing people and how nobody wants to see that and all the reasons why you don't show anyone your wang. Out of respect for my nephew I agreed to clothe my daughter but since I had one out of 3 nude already I would just throw them all in the shower together. As they were all marching in the shower Hazel stopped and stood like her brothers do with her hands on her hips and peed right outside of the shower on the floor. This left me completely unfazed. They got out and as I was trying to get Hazel dressed she ran away and I didn't have the energy to go after her and was soon distracted doing the dishes that I completely forgot I had an uncomfortable house guest. A few minutes later Hazel is trying to wipe chocolate off her hands into the trashcan that was right next to me at the sink. "Oh" I thought to myself, "The wee one must have somehow reached up and gotten into the chocolates my neighbor has just delivered". I figured I would take care of that after I was done with the dishes. She couldn't get all the chocolate off her hands so she wiped the rest off onto my white kitchen cabinets. I can't stand stuff on my cabinets so I wiped it off with my knee and onto my pants that I'd be washing anyway. After I was done cleaning the kitchen I thought I'd better find my child and clean the chocolate off her hands. I then saw my nephew with a disgusted look on his face as he was exiting the boys bedroom looking like he was going to puke. I got closer and smelled the fresh poop. It hit me that my freshly cleaned Hazel was wiping poop into the trash can and not chocolate, that now I had poop on my knee and freshly showered Benny was hopping on one foot as he had a smashed log stuck on the bottom of his foot. To be honest I'd like to say that was an accident on his part but you never know with that child. After much clean up all was well and everyone was clothed. Hindsight I would have put up with the fight from my 2 year old child and gotten her pj's on right after her shower, but that would have made the outcome of my night easier and why would I want to be off the hook? Anyway, the night ended with reading, singing, hugging, kissing, praying and threats of the wooden spoon if anyone came out of their room. It's quiet now and I look forward to tomorrow and what the day presents. I don't take those babies for granted. I also don't take time away and alone with my husband for granted either.

God rest ye merry gentlemen and a Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. Go in Peace.


  1. Not many people can get me to laugh out loud but I laughed so hard I coughed. And no, no cough fart, just cough. The verbiage of "a smashed log" got me. Sigh, I guess Julius is chill? Will would have heart palpitations and bust a forehead vein if this were my house. Yet I'm glad you finished the dishes...