Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Give thanks with a grateful heart

Yes, you are right again. The previous title was, "Give thanks with a grateful fart". My husband's look after sharing that with him had me changing it to something a little more mature, for fear of a roundhouse kick to the face.

Anywhosies, leading up to Thanksgiving Julius had to travel for 5 weeks in a row. This to say I was ready for a relaxing Thanksgiving of him not leaving  me and the kids, and as little chaos as possible. So I got my way and the 4 of us headed away to Blowing Rock for a cozy mountain getaway to a quaint mountain cabin tucked away from civilization.

We left Wednesday morning and our first stop as we arrived was Mast General for some nostalgia and candy.

  Side Note: We are anti sugar for the most part(It  helps grow the cancer. Folks i beg you do the research and save your life).Henceforth we limit what we give our children, but there are a thousand factors which make it  next to impossible for them to never have any.  Factor #934 Their biological parents take them to a candy store.Their Halloween candy was soon forgotten after trick-or-treating because it's hidden and the tyrant that i am makes them drink a glass of green juice before candy. "Carey that sounds like abuse to me!" Please settle down. My kids love and chug it. So really Halloween is a time of promoting health. I will put  the leftover candy in their stockings. When that is hidden and forgotten I'll put it in their Easter baskets. And so the vicious cycle continues. Now how is that for taking the fun out of things and saving a couple bucks?

If you are in the market, I use a Breville Juice Fountain and have been very pleased.
We then ate lunch at Macados where Jet was sobbing the whole time in desperate need of a nap. For dinner we went to Woodlands for some BBQ and live music. Something came over me and I needed the whiskey sour drink special. I had to chug it because my kids were reaching and fighting for the cherry in the bottom. I then felt strangely calm and happy. Then Jet grabbed the Tabasco with no lid. He playfully began swinging it all over the place. My shirt and  the bottom part of my hair was soaked with red sauce. I didn't let that kill my buzz. What killed my buzz was when I heard the little girl at the table behind me say, "Mommy you have something red all over your purse." My heart sunk as I half turned and noticed her Coach purse covered in Tabasco as well. I could have died. I started reaching for my purse to get out my check book while I made Julius initiate conversation with them. I then immediately turned around and started my apologies only to see that it had also gotten on her fur coat. But my, what grace they did display. I didn't get chewed out as I had braced myself for and I never did end up cutting her a check. The daughter said, " At least our shirts aren't completely covered like yours" so I said "Oh but child, my shirt cost about 1/19th of your mothers purse". Why I can't have the finer things in life Reason #426: In case open bottles with red liquid inside are in reach of a little boys hands.

 While driving to and fro our cabin, several times as soon as I would start to be frightened by the windy and steep mountain roads that I thought my husband should have been going a few miles slower on, I would almost start to pray aloud as Jet from the back seat having the same thoughts would intercede with "God, please make daddy not drive off the road."

We made a Thanksgiving meal. Twas joyous to have made the pumpkin pie and green beans from some of our preserved summer crops. Jet was ripping them left and right at dinner.

Whilst I dislike the hot stank mosquito infested humid summers, I  totally dig the harvest.

Earlier Thanksgiving day I was joking with Julius about how we should knock on the other houses around our mountain just to say "Happy Thanksgiving" then break out in Christmas carols to make things uncomfortable.(Side not again: When I was 12, a couple girls and I went Christmas caroling spur of the moment. I came home with a wad of cash. If you are short on cash this month and have kids, send them out singing. If you don't have kids, borrow someones). So we finished dinner with only a few bumps and bruises. I got a bite on the shoulder and a head butt in the gut. Spankings and time outs were served. Consequences must prevail. As I was putting dishes in the sink I look out the window above the sink into the dark night and see Christmas carolers right in front of my face. I screamed bloody murder and ran and hid behind Julius. I thought because we are in the middle of nowhere that these people are going to stop mid song and take out machine guns and shoot us. Julius went to check out the scene and said, "It's Emily and Todd". They are my cousins and live in the next town but they didn't know we were in town nor did a single one of our family members know our exact location . My first thought was, "They are going to freak out when they realize we are in town and happen to be staying here since they are randomly out caroling." Not so. Todd works for the Property Management company who we were renting our house from and saw Julius' name on the rental agreement and was all, "That's my cousin". So they came to surprise us and grace us with their presence and bear us a gift basket. They have a CD out that we all love and Jet knows all the words so we got our very own concert. At one point amidst the music you could faintly hear in the background a child screaming, "CAN SOMEBODY WIPE MY BUTT!". At least his toots were not done in vain at the dinner table.
They are called 'Battle Victorious' and if you want crack for your ears, check them out on itunes. They are ah-mah-zing. 
 If I had to end with one word of advice... it would be if you are Christmas caroling stay away from my house. I may run and grab a gun out of fear. But seriously, I am so undeserving of every good thing in my life. I am shown grace more than I can handle at times. For that I am grateful, so as always, a song from my childhood.                                                                                                          
This post was brought to you today from the NRA and the film Fat, Sick and nearly dead. God bless.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates...

You never know what the beep your son will say.

That son is Jet. I know people love their own children. I know people rant and rave about their children(gag). Oh I'm sorry did I say that out loud? But because I blog a total of never, I am going to write a couple of things from the past couple of weeks that Jet has said, in hopes of not gagging anyone in the process. Because really I do love my children, and they do crack me up.

Some nights it is a long process for 3 yr. old Jet to go to bed. He'll come out of his room several times after we have discussed the day, prayed, read books, sang songs and so forth. "I'm hungry." "I'm thirsty." "I need to pee." "So mom, I want to see if you're doin good" "I want to give you 5 hugs but don't count." These are all amongst the usual excuses of why he is out. Before you think I am a lax parent, rest assured that there are consequences for this naughty behavior. However, some things are too funny to get mad at. For instance our most recent fact we learned from him when he should have been in bed, "Hey dad, poop smells bad but dead squirrel smells worse." Thank you son, I will remember that for when I'm a contestant on Jeopardy next month.
- "Scents for $500 Alex"
-"This smells worse than poop."
 "What is dead squirrel?."
-"You are correct and now take control of the board."

Some days I wake up in the morning to Jet standing on the side of my bed staring at me. He waits for me to open my eyes and immediately tells me something interesting like, "Mitt Romney" and then will walk away. Last week it was "Denise is your friend." This is funny because the end of September he saw this picture below and wasn't familiar with Denise so he made it a point to remember her name that day. Multiple times that day he wanted to look at the picture and tell me her name. He hadn't spoken of her since that day but I guess wanted to remind me that morning what otherwise I would have forgotten.
"Yes Jet. She is my friend. Now go make me an espresso and some focaccia"

While I was cooking i felt a presence staring at me so I turned around. It was Jet. He said, "Obamaphone" and then left the kitchen.

Jet has been reciting Deuteronomy 6:5 for probably a year now. But recently, every time he hears Mitt Romney he says, "Mitt Romney 6:5" and I have been thinking to myself, "Ok, maybe he has learned some facts about our presidential nominee and maybe Mitney has a stature of 6ft 5in. He said it again last night in the car but Julius was there this time. He busted out laughing. I said, "What did you teach him Mitts height or something?" He said, "No, he thinks he is saying a verse." So I said, "Jet say the whole thing." And he is like "Mitt Romney 6:5- You shall love the Lord your God, with all your heart with all your soul and with all your strength. Mitt Romney 6:5". Such confidence for being so wrong.

Eating dinner Jet threw his arm around his daddy and said, "Dad we're best buds. Mom take our picture." So after I demanded some manners, I did.

Monday my dad and I both needed to go to Costco so we decided to go together. As soon as he walked in Jet said, "Nonno, only the doctor can touch your penis. If it hurts, the doctor can make it better." This kid is a slew of information.

Forever grateful for Costco's large carts and samples.
And forever grateful for my children. They truly are a precious gift. Jet is a non- stop singer like his mother so it only fits that I end with the song that has been on his lips all day today. We had a praise session in our kitchen this morning while listening to this song. Him standing on the counter with his hands raised high and me crying over the sink overwhelmed with God's love and grace and abundant blessings. "Mommy are you crying cus you are happy or sad?"
So happy sweet child of mine. So happy.
"10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord)"
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
I'll worship Your holy name

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Hungry Ronnie

(I just found this post I had written back in January. I think i didn't publish it because I got on my self's nerves while reading it)

Nine years ago I spent 3 months in Costa Rica. Nine years ago while in Costa Rica I started dating Julius who would become my husband and baby daddy. More importantly, nine years ago in Costa Rica while dating Julius, I met someone who will have forever changed my life. His name was Ronnie, Hungry Ronnie. His occurrences were like something from an obnoxious sitcom. Before his story unfolds, a picture of us during this chapter in our lives.
My 20th birthday, February 14, 2003 and the night I started having a crush on this young boy.

Superbowl Sunday 2003 was spent at News Cafe' in San Jose, CR. There were five of us, 19 and 20 stupid yr. olds who would take advantage of the drinking age being only 18. We threw many a  Rock Ice and Imperial's back, didn't watch a second of the game and got asked to leave for loud, annoying behavior. Stupid Americans. While stumbling out of there, we heard five words that would ring in my ears and be on my tongue everyday for the next 9 years. "Hey, you guys speak English?"asked in a high pitch friendly male voice. Alas, another English speaker. In our tipsy stupor we attacked this man with conversation and affection. We talked to him on the streets for what seemed like hours, exchanging stories of the days of old and hearing of his life and how and needed money for food and was wondering if we could spot him some Colones. Some? How about we give you enough to pay your food and rent for a month? While hugging and kissing him good-bye, the only thing he could have been thinking was "Stupid Americans at their finest" as he walked away with a huge wad of Colones.

For the next few days, Hungry Ronnie came up in conversation a good amount. Mainly because we couldn't believe how much money we gave him, but also because yeah, we liked the the guy. About 4 days later we saw him on the streets up ahead leaving a restaurant accompanied by an American. By the looks of it, this American had just bought him a bag of food . We were so excited, "Hey Ronnie!" we screamed, waving frantically to get his attention so we could talk to him and catch up and shoot the breeze. He gave us a strange look and then picked up the pace and dissed us. "Freaking ouch dude" we said, "did our new friend just shun us?".

A few days later at night, Julius was walking my friend Sarah and I to our bus stop so we could go back to where we were staying in Cariari. While walking down an alleyway we heard from afar in a male friendly high pitch voice, "Hey! You guys speak English?" We quickly turned around. "Ronnie!", the three of us exclaimed. He said, "You guys know me?" and was gone in a flash. Quite astonishing how quickly he disappeared. And then it finally clicked. We were the stupid Americans yet again. His strange look from a few days before was that of  an "oh shoot i figured you guys were just tourists  and I would never see you again so I would scam you for all you got. I then was shocked to see you again while I was in the process of conning another".

We didn't stay around San Jose but traveled around the country and then went to live at the beach in Jaco. Over the next couple months, Ronnie became a legend, a legend we were happy to mock. On a daily basis i would preform Hungry Ronnie in my high pitch friendly male voice "Dya guys speak English? The name's Ronnie, Hungry Ronnie, haven't eaten in days" We did not expect to see Ronnie again.

At the end of three months when it was time to go back to the US of A, we went back to San Jose for the 2 last days. While walking down a crowded street through the city , I felt a presence. An all too familiar presence. Before I knew it, I heard something in my ear "This may be a long shot, but do you guys speak English?". As we turned around we said "Ronnie? Really?" and he then walked in the opposite direction. That made my absolute day. I could not have asked for anything more, Oh wait, I could. That day we saw Ronnie scamming a lot of Americans throughout the city. He changed shirts several times. It was like he knew we were leaving and wanted to give us his performance of a lifetime. Julius was able to grab his video camera and catch him in the act. He went up to Ronnie and said, "Hey Ronnie, yes we still speak English". His response was, "Hey get that camera out of my face man, that's scandolous". Knowing that if I ever want to see this historical figure, all I have to do it watch the video, my life is complete. I leave you with one question, and one question only. Have you seen Ronnie?

Disclaimer: My wish for Ronnie in 2012 is that he is full. I hope by now he is working a real job, has a wife, 2 kids and a big house. I do not wish any man hungry.

My favorite song from the 8th grade.
A little Chris Cornell and Pearly Jammy Jam.
I will always think of Ronald when I hear it.


...But I'm going hungry, yeah...
I'm goin' hungry, yeah...
But I'm I'm goin' hungry.

Yeah, I don't mind stealin' bread...ooooooo......
I don't mind...
I don't mind stealin' bread...yeah.....
I'm goin' hungry, yeah....

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Bathroom Talk

Benjamin is a force to reckon with. We used to call him "The Perfect One". Now we just call him "Benny, Noooooooooooooo!!!"  We often ask ourselves how he is still alive. I know kids put things in their mouths, but really,  he finds everything lethal and microscopic even after I vacuum and sweep. I am constantly pulling coins, cap gun bullets, old food from gosh knows when, and nails and screws out of his mouth. I have also had to pull several glass shards out and was able to accomplish without drawing blood. The brightly colored objects found in his diapers are also fascinating to me. "Where was I when he swallowed that? And how the heck did he not choke?", are reoccurring thoughts. Inside our home this kid follows me around and doesn't give me a second to myself. So in case you were thinking, "Maybe he ate something when you were going to the bathroom", the answer is false, because when I am sitting on the pot, he is either sticking objects in the toilet in the space between the back of the seat and my glutes, or he is on the other side of the bathroom door, face planted and screaming hysterically at the top of his lungs like he is never going to see me again. Heaven forbid I shut the door on him. When I come out he immediately stops. I say "Let's go outside" and he books it to the door, and as long as he is outdoors, could care less if he ever saw me again.

He had an obsession with playing in the toilet a few months ago. We tried to always keep the lids down but then his chubby arms and fingers learned to lift it.  So maybe this is TMI but in the middle of the night when we get up to pee we don't flush the toilet for many a reason. One morning I was in my room getting dressed and I saw Benj hobble his fat butt into my bathroom. I thought I'd have a second to put on my shirt when I heard Jet screaming for me. Benj had grabbed a handful of toilet paper out of the toilet completely saturated with a night's worth of urination and was going to town sucking out the liquid like he does the water in his washcloth during his baths. I started screaming and swearing. I'd be lying if I told you that was the only time that happened. Fortunately no negative results occurred. Just a stronger immune system I suppose.

So I was giving the boys a bath the other night and I got Benjamin out first. Well, he got himself out first, like he always does. Once again, I am surprised that all his teeth are still in tact. I got him all ready for bed and then set him free and went to get Jet's pj's. Now before you gasp and cast judgement thinking I'm an irresponsible mother and left my 3 year old in the bath by himself, I always make him sing a song so I can hear him if I need to leave the room for a second. I ran down the hall and quickly came back to find  Benjamin back in the bathtub.

He can't be confined or sit still. He has not watched more than 2 minutes of TV in his life, which is a good thing I guess, but gives me no break during his waking hours. I guess there is too much out there that needs to be destroyed or eaten. He can maneuver out of most high chairs and shopping carts. I was at Target in the parking lot and Benny was strapped into the shopping cart. I turned around to grab something out of the back seat of my car, in 2 seconds he was standing balancing onto the small seat about to plummet to his death on the asphalt.

Every few days when Julius is near me and I've been on the phone, when I hang up I say to him, "That was the Sheriff's department again, they have Benny in custody. Whose turn is it to pick him up from the station?". We joke now because he is 16 months. When he is 16, we will not be joking. Maybe he will get in fights because he has anger issues because the kids at school make fun of him for drinking pee when he was younger. Whatever, he is a fighter and a beast. A beast I wouldn't mess with.

Lord willing, I will have a couple more children. If more turn out like Benjamin, then bring it on. Jet has been asking me for a baby sister. He wants to name her Nanabelle. Also he has been talking about his girlfriend from church for a couple months now but never remembers her name when we ask him. Leaving the church parking lot today he said, "I saw my girlfriend at church today and her name is Hazel." I almost cried because I thought that was so sweet. I pictured a cute little vintage dressed 3 year old girl who captured my son's affections. Then I asked him was she looked like. He said, "Poop". Thank you Jet. That made my Mother's Day, a Happy Mother's Day.

                                         "Benny, Benny, Benny can't you see?
                                          Sometimes your words just hypnotize me
                                          And I just love your flashy ways
                                          I guess that's why they broke and your so paid"

Friday, April 13, 2012

He is Alive.

He is Alive indeed. Go in Peace.

Just had  a phone convo with one of my besties Jennifer,  or (read in Forrest Gump's voice) Jenny, as I call her. I had mentioned how I almost stabbed my husband on Easter when we got in a big fight in the kitchen while I was trying to whip together a marinade, and she was all, "Uh I know, I was looking on FB at all these pictures with people and kids who were put together with smiles in their Easter clothes, and we were fighting with each other with a puking kid on the side." And I said, " Gurrrrrl, thank you, we are reality" We are the Real Housewives of Charlotte. Please Tune in Wednesday nights at 9pm. Only by Bravo. You won't be jealous.
Jenny in the middle

But really talking of the fruit of the spirit, Self Control, I never thought I would need it so much in my marriage. Especially when stopping myself from throwing jabs. Maybe because I have an older brother I grew up with who I would physically fight with when I got angry or annoyed at, that that reaction is rooted down in my system. When I get mad at my husband many a time I start to scream "Giovanni!", my brother's name. My next reaction is to cock back my fist and jack him in the kisser (I have never used that word, but i think i like it). I stop myself after he flinches because that would be so disrespectful and a total disaster if I followed through, so I usually just count, pray, slam things, swear until I calm down. I am usually called "Crazy" which gets a similar response to, "You think that's crazy? Puh-lease! I will show you crazy!" Having said this jargon, I am just claiming that nothing is ever as it should be and we need constant sanctification is every aspect of our lives. Fortunately our fights our nothing too serious these days. Easter's fight was over if he was going to eat the organic oatmeal or the gluten free oatmeal and he couldn't find either of them though they were clearly, and I mean clearly in plain sight.

OK I should just go with this nonsense. I am doing more harm than good. So next fight maybe I will just walk to get out some steam. 500 miles perhaps. Real quick though, that can't always be good. Our first year of marriage we got in a big fight in the Y parking lot and Julius walked the journey home at night and twisted his ankle in a ditch. And now the Proclaimers...

 But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be that man who walk a thousand miles to fall down at your door

(And yes, he fell down when he got to the door because the ankle couldn't take any more pressure)

Saturday, March 24, 2012


One day, with my mother's permission, I will share a story about her on this blog. One that I love to share in social gatherings. One to break the ice at parties. One that humiliated her, and me, and almost got Julius thinking twice about marrying me. She actually may never agree to the story, so use your wildest imagination. And yes, there may be some tooting involved. Sorry Mom.

I will share some small tidbits from today in which my life mimicked this title. My parents came over for a quick dindin before my mom and I had to leave to see October Baby(Please see my disclosure statement). We had beans for a side. It dawned on me that we eat beans all the time and I have never taught Jet the "beans beans their good for you heart" song. That must be changed. I started off with the "musical fruit" version first since I'm partial to the T word instead of F. My mother sat there and said, "I don't think kids are supposed to learn these types of things from their moms". Au contraire Mama, au contraire. I want my kids well equipped and up to date on these important things. Miraculously, two minutes after singing these songs, Jet tooted. I think he may have gotten a standing ovation from us. He was so excited he started shoveling more and more beans in his mouth. He then was a little disappointed as he was not able to produce anymore. I told him he probably would in his sleep tonight and I was sorry we all couldn't be there to hear the music.

As a  child, I used to get very upset when listening to my mom talk to her sister about colon cleanses and fiber intake and too many things along these lines. On the drive there I was telling her about this Chinese laxative tea I have. She said she would like to try some. After the movie we were standing in line for the bathroom. Her co-worker Beth was standing in line in front of her and said, "So you gonna go out and party after this?" She simply responded, "No. I'm going home to drink some Chinese tea so I can use the bathroom". And then it hit me. I am my mother. As an adult I thrive on these conversations with my girlfriends. There is nothing more exciting. What was not exciting is when it was finally my turn for the bathroom. I squatted as I do in public restrooms(and always at home). I went to stand, and I couldn't. My hip wouldn't allow me to. I started panicking. I thought I would have to crawl out of the stall. Eventually I was able to stand in pain and limp to the sink. I limped to the car, but nobody wants a sob story, so enough of this.

The drive home was filled with discussion about the movie, but also with the inevitable. Had I not sobbed out every last tear in me from the movie, I would have been crying from laughter. One thing Jan said flatually, pardon factually, "You know Martin Luther from the 1500's? Not only was he known for the Protestant Reformation but he was also known for tooting. Frequent ones. Loud ones. It's true.". And then we talked of an Italian/French movie called 'La Grande Abuffatta', one I've never seen but know that in it a man lets out a long, loud, powerful toot and then falls over dead. We got home. I ran in and grabbed her the tea.

So this is my disclosure. To be serious for a moment, the real reason I'm writing is because I want to encourage you to see October baby. I know it's no Hunger Games, but please.  Yes, at the beginning it is a bit cheesy, but then it is heart wrenching and beautiful and will have you in tears. This movie is for those pro-life, pro-choice, contemplating abortion, post abortion. If you watch it, please stay til the credits so you can see the woman tell her abortion story and how she has found healing. God loves you, and so do I. And I love your unborn baby.

So I thought this song was annoying until I had babies of my own. Now the words are truth.


       And the Jet
                                                         Pissed to be...
  "In My Arms"

Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curly cues
Your contagious smile
And as i watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight

Knowing clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Story books are full of fairy tales
Of kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You'll someday see the truth from lies

Knowing clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms
Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always
Always love you

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Thursday, March 22, 2012

mani pedi

Until 2 minutes ago, I thought a man pedi was when a man got his toes done.

My toes have been in desperate need of painting for quite some time. I have had full intentions of soaking my feet, cutting the cuticles, shaping the nails and what have you, but time for things like these I just can't seem to find. Sitting on the couch at night watching a show, or "progrum" as we say, would probably be a good call, but "Downton Abbey" needs my full undivided attention. I have looked down at my toes a plethora of times and wanted to swear in anger as i glared at the chipped red polish, or "sonic bloom" if you will.

Today in my room I couldn't take it anymore and sat on the floor to get my painting underway, sans the shaping and soaking. I got one foot coated in the lovely "sonic bloom" when Jet asked me if he could paint my other foot. As I was about to say a big fat "No" I thought to myself, "Self, every other word out of your mouth is "no", C'mon girl, give the boy a chance. What's the big deal? That's what nail polish remover is for, right? Let him tap into his artistic abilities".  So I forced out a  "Of course you can". He got right to work and was very serious about this task at hand. When he was done he said, "Mommy, you look perfect. And you know what else? You look smart."

You know what they say about your second toe being longer than your big toe.

What my conscience forgot to tell me was that just like it took me forever to finally sit and do my toes, it may just take as long to fix them. I suppose when I glance down at my feet now, it may cause me to smile rather than yell profanities. "But Carey, if you have time to sit and write about this, then you surely have time to go fix your foot". You are right conscience, you are right, although you obviously haven't seen the six loads of laundry either on the floor in my room that if I enter to get the remover and polish, I will have no choice but to begin folding. Therefor I choose not to go back there.

                                          Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Jack Johnson with "Bubble Toes"

It's as simple as something that nobody knows that her eyes are as big
as her bubbly toes
on the feet of a queen of the hearts of the cards and her feet are all
covered with tar balls and scars
It's as common as something that nobody knows that her beauty will
follow wherever she goes
up the hill in the back of her house in the would she love me forever,
I know she could

I remember when you and me mmm how we used to be just good friends
Wouldn't give me none
But all I wanted was some
She's got a whole lot of reasons
She cant think of a single one
That can justify leaving
and he got none but he thinks he got so many problems
Man he got, too much time to waste

His dreams are like commercials
But her dreams are picture perfect and
Our dreams are so related though they're often underestimated

It's as simple as something that nobody knows that
Her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes
On the feet of the queen of the hearts of the cards
And her feet are infested with tar balls and

La da da da da da ...

Monday, March 12, 2012


 Today I took Jet to the dentist for the first time. Because of my love for teeth, I have been talking up this visit his whole life. To say he was stoked about going would be an understatement. I showed him pictures on the website of the different dentists and let him choose which one he wanted to see.

I don't have a smart phone, mainly because I don't deem it a necessity at this point in my life, so I was not uploading tweets, status updates or Instagrams(aka in this household as pictures
looked like snapped after a nuclear holocaust). But if I did, my tweets would probably go something like this:

-Been here in the waiting room at the pediatric dentist only 2 minutes and the whole place smells like a sewage waste plant. #perfecttimingBenjamin

-You are Correct. The hysterical laughter coming from inside the dentist office bathroom while I change Benjamin's diaper is because he has discovered his penis and continues to yank it. #boyswillbeboys

-Why can't I get away from the smell of poop? #stench

-Got it! I just remembered that I have a diaper full of caca poopies in my purse because OSHA requires you not throw away soiled diapers but place them in a bag and dispose of them yourself after you leave the office. #defacationismylife

-I thought Jet was just practicing some new dance moves but realized he was about to pee all over himself. Sprinted to the bathroom just in time. #cleaningpeeoffthesidesofthetoiletandfloor

-Sitting in the consult room wishing my children would stop interrupting so I could talk to the dentist about Veganism and food documentaries and ethnic hole in the wall restaurants that are the balls. #FoodMatters

-At the reception desk talking to the woman to check out when my youngest started dry heaving. Sprinted back to the consult room because I remember seeing a small white trash can in there. Poor baby got his vomit on.

Anywhosies, we got out of there safe and sound. Jet got his tokens and picked out prizes and was just beaming. While we were walking out he said, with a kick in his step, "Mommy that was so fun! Dr. Jason is AWESOME!". My cup runneth over. "I knew you would love it baby, I just knew it". When we got to the car, I noticed I parked right near a dumpster and was able to dispose of the poop and puke. Six months couldn't come sooner for Jet. Next time I won't have on a short dress in case there is as much manual labor as there was today. But honestly, that is nothing. It's the life of a mom and nothing to be exasperated over. I wouldn't trade my job for anything. #thankyouJesusfformykids

So I just browsed some photos to add on this post and I came across these that made me laugh because they look like Instagrams.






 PS. I need to add that I don't understand a tweet. have no idea what the number symbol with unspaced words after it means

I just wrote a song. I'll call it...
California Dreaming

all the leaves are brown
and the sky is grey
I've been for a walk
on a winter's day

I'd be safe and warm
if I was in L.A
California Dreamin'
on such a winter's day

stopped into a church
I passed along the way
well, I got down on my knees
and I pretend to pray

you know the preacher likes the cold
he knows I'm gonna stay
California Dreamin'
on such a winter's day

all the leaves are brown
and the sky is grey
I've been for a walk
on a winter's day

if I didn't tell her
I could leave today
California Dreamin'
on such a winter's day