Saturday, June 4, 2016

Why take your kids to Disney...

When there is Whole Foods?

My birthday is on Valentine's Day, or Valentimes as I've often heard people say. I always appreciate when others incorrectly pronounce words. As attention starved as I am I don't like to celebrate things pertaining to me. I have always hated wedding/baby showers and birthday parties thrown in my honor. I feel uncomfortable. Having said that, my husband always plans something special. However this year I just wanted to be with my family and not make it about me. A few birthdays ago Julius and I were on a date and we saw a family of 6 eating together enjoying each others company. I thought that looked like the best way to celebrate this commercialized "love" holiday. Simply being with family. I just had to wait several years until my kids were old enough to not be so psychotic in public.

                                                  "Hazel, will you accept this rose?"

We kept it low key. Julius dropped off my sons and I at Village Tavern for dinner because I often need Prime Rib. Prime Rib is in my top 10 favorite foods and it's always on the menu there. Meanwhile, Julius took Hazel to the American Girl doll store at the mall.

Rumor has it this is an expensive hobby and not a road I plan on encouraging my child to venture down.

Benny literally got up 6 times during dinner to pee. It's like he has the bladder of a woman who has birthed three children. I feel his pain. During dinner Benny licked the salt shaker. I told him I was going to tell the waitress so she could wash it. He immediately threatened me. He picked up a knife and told me he was going to slice me if I did. So maybe I did speak too soon about the psychotic behavior.
Here, after getting scolded for threatening me, he is trying to explain to me why I would have deserved getting sliced. He is always the voice of reason.

Jet ordered Prime Rib too. One of the reasons I love him so much is because of how obsessed he will get with good food. He pounded the steak and slurped down the fat just like his mama does. He had been talking about Prime Rib nonstop ever since.

He got cold so of course I did what any gentleman woman would do and offered him my coat.

Julius picked us up and we went as a family to Whole Foods for dessert. Watching the children joyfully take countless trips up the escalators and back down the ramps in their fancy clothes was the best birthday gift this undeserving woman could ask for.

The boys wanted sushi because they had just had dinner so of course they were starving. We also got a cake from the bakery. Call me a cake snob but it wasn't anything to write home about. Trust me, I know cake. It is also in my top 10 foods.

                                            Alas, the children are in dreamland.

The next morning Benny sat down at the kitchen table and tied a balloon string around his neck and threatened to pull it harder if I didn't make him coffee immediately. I feel his pain every morning and suppose I am raising a psychopath.

Two and half months later I had some "life" goals. I told the boys I would take them on a date when I reached my goals. When I hit my first goal and it was date time with the oldest, Jet said he wanted to go eat Prime Rib with me. I love one on one time with each kid because it really is there time to shine. There is no sibling rivalry and the child eats up all the attention. Needless to say we went to Texas Roadhouse only to find they don't serve Prime Rib on Wednesday nights. I tried to talk Jet into a Filet or Ribeye so we didn't have to drive all the way across town to Village Tavern but his disappointment broke my heart and we hauled butt over to the Tavern. We played Uber driver on the way and his little heart was full of gratitude and he kept telling me thank you for driving him all the way there and he's sorry it's taking so long. I assured him the pleasure was all mine and the longer it took the more money I was getting. We got to the restaurant and got our Prime Rib and all could relax.

He got cold so I did what any gentlemen woman would do and offered him my coat.

                           He told me he'd sign the check since Daddy wasn't there.

Here I "Uber" my date home. 
You should have heard how he opened up to me that ride. I have found when you are a "stranger" the kids really open up about how they feel and what happened in school when otherwise you'd get no information. The things they tell me when we play restaurant. I am the 26 year old waitress Linda. They make Linda give a description of everything she serves. For example, if they wanted to order a Stonyfield smoothie it could not just be handed to them. I'd have to describe it like this "Today's snack feature is an organic strawberry smoothie from a local farm. No pesticides and only raw milk that was fermented an extra 3 days to get an extra boost of probiotics was used. I am not exactly sure the name of the cow who produced the milk but I'm almost positive it was a female and would be more than happy to call the farmer and ask for more specific information"

Once Jet asked Linda if she was married. "She" told him she lost her husband Steve in a plane crash. Jet on the verge of tears responded with "I wish I didn't ask that question, I didn't like that answer"  Anwyay, the boys will tell "Linda"  true stories about their life and mom and it always makes my heart overflow because of the things they tell me, even about me. The things they remember that we've done together and that I've never heard them talk about. It makes me feel like they adore me when often times I feel like they probably just see me as a stressed out dictator. 

 I always used to question if people who had watched my chidlren were making up how well mannered and delightful my kids had been. Ever since Linda evolved I finally got to see what others get to see. I get more respect as Linda and while the pay isn't great, even though Jet always makes sure he signs the check and writes in my tip, there is nothing else in the world I would rather do. And for this opportunity to raise these children I Praise His Great Name! Thank you Jesus.